In the quiet of the evening, I went to my usual spot for my evening conversations and small gatherings. A place where tired minds find solace in the exchange of stories, news, and sometimes, just in laughter. It was a typical scene neither too crowded nor too empty. I found a seat with a nice view of the garden. From where I sat, I could overhear the conversation of a group nearby. It was about a week after the Form Four results had been released.

One of the voices caught my attention: a mother talking to what seemed like a close friend. Her daughter had failed terribly, among the few who didn’t secure a credit. But the twist in the story wasn’t in the failure itself; it was in the reason behind it. The mother wasn’t angry with her daughter. No, her anger was directed elsewhere; at the people she believed had bewitched her daughter, people who, in her mind, couldn’t stand her success and had sabotaged her child’s future.

It was a story that both shocked and intrigued me. Not because of the content of the conversation, but because of the energy the mother had in defending her daughter’s results. The intensity with which she spoke, as though the reality of her daughter’s performance was not even a possibility.

I didn’t concern myself with whether or not the claim of witchcraft was true. In situations like these, it’s almost impossible to know. What caught my attention was the tone and the underlying message: at no point did the mother acknowledge that her daughter could have had any role in the results. There was no acceptance that perhaps her daughter had made mistakes, or that her performance was a reflection of the choices she had made.

Perhaps this was her way of escaping reality. Perhaps it was to shield her daughter from public shame. Maybe, just maybe, she truly believed what she was saying. Maybe it was easier for her to blame others than to confront the tough truths. Maybe this was a strategy she had learned from a lifetime of facing challenges. Maybe… maybe… maybe.

I found myself lost in the sea of “maybes,” trying to figure out where the truth lay. It felt like a familiar pattern one that I’d seen before in different forms. The act of identifying a problem, and then quickly pointing the finger elsewhere. It’s a method we often see used by people who don’t want to take responsibility for their part in the story.

I thought about politicians who point to external forces for the failings of the nation. I thought about religious leaders who blame the devil for personal misfortunes. I thought about the people who make a living off the belief that something or someone else is always to blame for our struggles.

I couldn’t help but notice a pattern that is all too common:
We face problems in life, and we immediately search for someone or something to blame. We refuse to look at ourselves, at our own decisions, at the possible roles we’ve played in the creation of these challenges. We seek external solutions, because facing the truth of our own involvement can be far too difficult.

We must learn to accept that the problems we face in life may have complex and varied causes. While it’s true that external forces can play a part in our difficulties, it is equally important to reflect on our own contribution to the issue.

This is not about excessive self-blame, but about honest self-assessment. There is wisdom in acknowledging that we might, in some way, be part of the reason the problem arose. But we must also be careful not to take on all the blame for everything. We can’t let guilt consume us when life goes wrong.

We must be able to ask ourselves: What can I learn from this? What role did I play, and what can I do differently moving forward? Without this self-awareness, we risk living in denial, forever blaming others for what might also be a reflection of our own choices, actions, or inactions.

In the end, it’s about balance. Accepting the complexity of life without falling into extremes, without blaming the world for everything, and without blaming ourselves for everything either. It’s in the middle, in the understanding that problems arise from multiple sources, and that we, too, must be willing to face our own truths.